'Tis the season to be a jolly but the fact is that for some folks out there jolly is far from how they're feeling right now. Back in college I had my heart broken on Christmas eve by a boy I was head over heels for. He single-handedly RUINED my Christmas for the next few years...darn you stupid boy! LOL. But I survived, I recovered, my heart healed and so I figured I would list some things to do/and NOT do post-break-up so as to avoid the make-up break up cycle we inevitably enter into that leads to NO WHERE since these guys aren't the ONES for us. (btw...I give credit for some of this list to the boy who broke my heart...some of these were his rules and they really did help me 'get it' and move on.)1. Do NOT communicate with him! No texting, iming, tweeting, facebooking, calling, message in a bottle...you get the pic. The whole, "I just want to see how he's doing" is lame. Want to know how he's doing? He dumped you, he's thinking what video game should I play next, what are the boys doing tonight, that girl I saw last week was kinda cute, need I go on? Yea he broke up with you for a reason...He's NOT the One! If he does think about you it's cause men are creatures of habit. So if he's bored, he may think of you cause he may have become used to having you around. However, that thought doesn't often translate into "let me call and get her back", but it may turn into "let me call her and see if she wants to hang out" which in hormonally charged men really means...I'm bored, I want to make out, she's still pining over me, she's a definite yes! Making out does NOT mean getting back. So don't do it!
2. Do NOT overanalyze the relationship. What you did or didn't do or could've or should've done. Guess what, too late! But more importantly, it does NOT matter. Since this dude most likely is not the One, then nothing, get it NOTHING, you could have done would have saved the relationship because it was never meant to be!
3. Do seek out honest advice. Find friends that will tell you the truth. Will pray and encourage you through this tough time and don't just tell you what you want to hear. They need to be objective and help you reflect on the lessons you could take away from the relationship rather than simply join you in a b*#tch fest against Mr. Wrong. They should encourage you to take back that heart of yours that you gave to an undeserving guy and place back in the Big Guy's hands for some healing, hope and comfort. They should encourage you to grow your faith during this time as you move away from relying on a guy and back to the only One we should always depend on. They should also cry, laugh and eat ice cream with you...but the good friends won't let you cry long, cause they know the BEST is yet to come!
4. Do NOT listen to love songs. NO! Don't do it! Don't cry through repeat playings of "our song" while you run a mental play by play of your entire relationship. In the end, guess what, you're still single and he ain't coming back (some may try....please refer back to #1 if so!).
5. Do NOT drive by his house and stalk him. That's just weird, period.
6. Do not sit on the computer waiting for him to log in and see if he'll chat you. Get off your butt and do something! Anything (except the do NOTs on this list!). Now that you have some free time on your hands, reflect on what you've always wanted to do but have put off because you were 'busy' being in a relationship. Reconnect with friends, take in a movie (yes you can go alone, it's empowering!), plan a trip, read that book you've been wanting to read, pick a hobby you've always been curious about, seek to help a friend in need. The best way to take the focus off of our pain is to help others through theirs...it also puts the cause of our pain in perspective.
7. Put the pictures away...better yet, throw them out, untag them on Facebook or Myspace, delete them, etc. You can also throw darts at them or black sharpie markie over his face, it does help some. LOL.
8. Let the past be the past. Leave it there. You can't change it, relive it, alter it, or delete it. But you can deal with the present. Live in the now. And hope with great expectancy for tomorrow.
9. Your healing depends only upon you. Your ex has NOTHING to do with your future happiness. Don't put that on him. It's not fair and it's cowardly as it takes the focus off you dealing with yourself and makes him the person responsible for your life. That's unfair and too much to ask of someone who you are no longer dating. Yes you're amazing and your ex. may be as well but the fact that he doesn't want to be with you doesn't make him the bad guy (unless he is, which is a whole other post!). But far too often we blame the guy and call him every expletive we can think of when in truth, it wasn't meant to be and there is a more amazing guy out there for you. Don't count yourself out just yet. Trust me!
10. Get excited about what's to come! Begin focusing on the future and with time (because healing always takes time) yes the healing will come, the pain does ease and eventually disappear, I PROMISE! But that depends on you! It depends on you taking responsibility for what you can, and that's your choices, emotions, actions and decisions NOW. Not the past. The present will determine your future not your past.
11. Lastly, Do NOT blame God! God didn't do this. God did not make your ex break up with you. God loves you and wants the best for you. So often though we become impatient with Him and do what we want and sometimes the consequences of that lead to a break up. I know I ignored God plenty enough to know that my broken heart(s) were not His fault. I heard the little voice inside my head tell me time and time again, "he's not the One", "this relationship is over, get out now", "do not date this guy, he's all wrong", "you are settling", "trust Me, I know you're scared and doubting but trust me, I love you!". The quiet voice of God prodding me, calling me, admonishing me. I wish I had listened. But more often than not, I didn't. And the result was always heartbreak. Until I gave Him my heart completely, unabashedly, trusting Him because I just couldn't get it right on my own. And I see the blessings today. A husband who is my best friend, a baby who is amazing, and a life I could have only dreamed of. God's dreams for us can become our realities. You have nothing to lose (you already feel like you lost it all!) Why not give Him a try...?
