What to do....

...while I wait is a question I face often from singles. Some claim waiting while actively on the prowl.  Let's not sugar coat this amigos...some of you are on the hunt big time, like a lion in the jungle creeping up on any available gazelle ready to prance on them for the kill!  Ok, maybe a bit dramatic, but you all get the point...some are waiting, some claim waiting, others will own they're on the hunt.

Regardless, if you're single and wanting to be married, you're in some stage of the above categories. I had the same question when I was single...what to do while in that period of singleness, and my wise sister said, "read some books that will help you understand dating and singleness"...she meant not just any dating book though...she was talking about them Jesus ones! ughhh!! I was NOT into JC at the time but I was into finding everlasting Love and knew at some point I needed to return to that relationship, figure it out, and be changed by it.

All that to say...I read lots of books on the subject and they transformed the way I understood dating (while JC transformed me!) and therefore how I did dating. I discovered courting (now ain't that an old fashioned word?!) and preferred it over dating and in turn made better choices when it came to the men in my life, and more importantly with my heart.

Here I am 7 years into my amazing marriage and I'm still reading on singleness and courting. Why? First off, I'm a friggin nerd and love to read. Secondly, because I believe in courting principles and want to share that with singles that come seeking advice.

Right now I'm into, "Choosing God's Best: Wisdom for Lifelong Romance" by Dr. Don Raunikar. Good stuff, easy read, he's onto something with this courting stuff (other good authors have written on it too). I will share one of his golden nuggets of dating and courtship with you, hoping I'll entice you to check it out; download it on amazon here.

"While we wait for God to reveal His choice of a mate, we concentrate on being the right person instead of finding the right person.  We do this by involving ourselves in ministry, fellowship, and friendships that help us focus on our value and identity in Christ instead of our value to someone else. We learn to treat our friends in Christ as if they were brothers and sisters and to distinguish Biblical appropriate behavior from behavior that compromises our physical and emotional integrity." (Raunikar, Chapter 1). I even site passages...such.a.nerd!

That, my friends, is some good reading! I hope you stop and reflect on it and what it means to your life or what it could mean should you give that courting thing a shot!

What happens when...

My mom is a stroke survivor. She lived through two strokes which left her incapacitated, unable to walk, talk, care of herself, and fed through a tube. My dad cares for her. She's not in a nursing home, she doesn't have a nurse, she has my dad. My sisters and I help, when he lets us and allows himself a break. I doubt when he and mom married they thought this is what their retirement would look like. Yet, here they are, in an inconvenient, uncomfortable, difficult, and unexpected situation. I wouldn't wish this on any couple. My dad won't leave her to anyone else to care for. "In sickness and in health" weren't just words to him. They were, and continue to be his vow, his promise, his truth to mom. He doesn't complain, he doesn't play the victim, he celebrates mom's life and is committed to ensuring her comfort and happiness. He is selfless, stubborn, constant, trustworthy, committed. He is my example.

So what happens when the unexpected occurs? What happens when the happily ever after looks different than what you dreamed of?

I pray, hope, challenge each reader to consider when dating and then believing someone is your "one" to ask yourself, if the above happened to you would they stay or would they go? Would they resent you? Would they feel cheated out of their happily ever after? Would you, if the roles were reversed?

We will age, the unexpected may occur, illness may be in our futures. When choosing, choose wisely, prayerfully, take your time, make sure the vows you hope to hear one day do not end up being empty words.

I hope that if you're seeking love (which if you're reading this, you probably are), that you may come to know and experience the kind of love I have been privileged to be a part of and product of. The kind that mere words can't explain but when you see it, as I see it each time I look at mom and dad, there is no doubt that it is real and worth waiting for.

When You Least Expect It....

How often have you heard that one?! You'll find the one....when you least expect it. Or...When you're not looking he/she will show up! I hated those phrases when I was single! I hated them because I was expecting, and actively looking...I.was.on.the.prowl! Ok, maybe not so cat-like but I was definitely keeping my eyes out for my one. And I thought I had found my one...and more than once I might sadly add.

But of course, hind sight is 20/20 and tonight I share my insight into the whole idea of, "You'll find the one when you least expect it." I'm coming at this from my own experience because it highlights for me the truth of that statement. Here's the thing...One day, I stopped searching, expecting, looking, waiting for the one. I decided instead to set my heart on the One (Christ) cause I had been running and playing games with that relationship for way too many years.

• When I stopped looking for the one, I freed up time (mental, emotional, spiritual) to spend with the One. No more worrying about when or if I would have date or someone pining over me...just me and the Big Guy upstairs, chilling.

• As I spent time with the One, I discovered purpose.

• As I discovered purpose, my mind and heart's desires were transformed, renewed, reshaped.

• My desires shifted from wanting/needing to find love for myself, to giving/sharing Love with others.

• As I shared Love with others I became outward focused...servant minded.

• Being outward focused opened me up to new relationships, new adventures, took me places I never imagined I would go (umm, can we say seminary up in freezing cold and dreary Indiana?!).

• When I was focused on the One, I was free, at peace, fearless, confident in my place/purpose in this world, submitted- not My will Lord, but yours. The old me, gone...just me and my One and whatever was to come. < - sometimes I drop sweet rhymes!

• When I was focused on the One, it was no longer all about me...and then it happened...when I wasn't looking, when I least expected it....Bobby.

Although my husband knew me for 2 years before we began dating, he will tell you how unattractive I was to him (btw I wasn't doing any double takes for him either!). He saw in me a difficult young woman, stubbornly opinionated, domineering, shallow, selfish, and I'll throw in prideful. And so while he wasn't looking (at me), and while I was outward/upward focused, it happened....because the young woman I became was the kind of young woman that could be loved...because I learned to love. To love without expecting anything in return, to see others as Christ sees them/me...imperfect, broken, hurting, and yet completely, unconditionally loveable.

I had learned that it was never about me but about me serving and sharing that Love with others. And to Bobby, that was beautiful. Not only that, as my heart and mind changed, I saw men through new eyes; what was once attractive was now unappealing, what mattered now...heart, authentic faith, humility.

So yea, when you least expect it...when you aren't looking...it could happen....