Tick Tock

Tick tock, tick tock, your life clock is ticking down....so depressing, right? Well it's all in how you look at it. I got the following devotional today and had to share some parts of it with all you singles out there. Why? Because often, as singles, time is seen as the enemy. You place time limitations on your dating lives and freak out when you haven't found the One, or the person hasn't made your relationship 'official', or you haven't gotten the ring. But time is not the enemy. It takes time to build a relationship (and sometimes we rush it and have disastrous results), it takes time to mature and grow and know yourself well enough to know what kind of guy or girl you should (or shouldn't be) dating, it takes time to heal from past hurts and wounds, it takes time to move past a broken heart, it takes time to get rid of bad habits that may be keeping you from being successful in any relationship. And as you read this devo, I think you'll agree, that we want it our way, right away, forgetting that God isn't Burger King and we can't just send up a drive-through prayer and expect immediate results. There's much to be learned in whatever time God is giving you during this time of singleness...take the time to find out what it is! It will yield Long Term Rewards!

Hope Now with Long-Term Rewards
by Rick Warren

“Since we are his children, we will possess the blessings he keeps for his people, and also we will possess with Christ what God has kept for him! For if we share Christ’s suffering, we will also share his glory! I consider that what we suffer at this present time cannot be compared at all with the glory that is going to be revealed to us.” Romans 8:17-18

A Harvard study found that the more long-term your thinking is, the more successful you will be in life. And the more short-term your thinking is, the less successful you will be.
Unsuccessful people only think about the here and now – what feels good now, what is nice now, and what gives results now. But if you think in the long-term, you will have greater success, because you are willing to put up with short-term pain to gain long-term benefits.
The reason America is in the financial mess it’s in right now is because of our inability to delay gratification. We don’t know how to say no. We say, “I want it and I want it now, even if I have to charge it and can’t pay for it,” and the debt has caught up with us. That’s what little kids do. They don’t know the difference between “no” and “not yet.” They have to have it now.
If you want God’s blessing on your life, you must focus on the long-term, not the short-term. You can’t allow hopelessness that comes from short-term thinking to take hold in your heart or you will get discouraged and give up too soon.
If you are feeling hopeless because of current struggles you are experiencing, keep in mind the words of the Apostle Paul: “[W]hat we suffer at this present time cannot be compared at all with the glory that is going to be revealed to us” (Romans 8:17).
My hope for each single reading this is that they will focus more on the long-term than the short-term; that they will choose not to settle for what is wrong while hoping it will become right (that RARELY if ever happens), that their focus would be upwards (God) and inwards (self-reflection) rather than outwards (distractions, wrong relationships, time wasters). My hope is that your hopes of love will be realized....in God's perfect time, because that will make that love simply PERFECT.

Waiting on the One or Choosing the Wrong One?!

Came across this and all I can is...TRUTH! Waiting on the One...what she says is LEGIT!

Do You REALLY Want to Know?!

I've been meeting and talking with young singles lately about knowing the will of God in their lives. In most cases, these conversations pertained to the will of God in their dating relationships. WARNING...if you want to know the will of God, you gotta be ready for His answer, not the one YOU want. I just did a study on Prepping Your Mind to Hear from God (adapted from the Purpose Driven Connection which you can check out here) and wanted to post 4 responses we often have when God is trying to answer our prayers or speak to us. Are you God's greatest obstacle in His will for your life? So often the answer is yes. Check out the responses and see if any of your responses lately have been the same.

1. Resistance - "Sometimes we don't give God a chance to talk. Our minds are made up, our hearts are hardened, and we're unwilling to listen." - We often respond this way in our stubbornness or belief that we know better than anyone else (including God) what is best for us. How wrong we are..and often find out the hard way.

2. Shallow or Superficial - "A person with this mind kind of listens to God’s Word, and maybe gets emotionally moved, but she/he never really does anything about it." Maybe what God is asking/telling you seems 'too hard' or would take too much time so although it sounds 'nice' we just sit on it, do nothing, and soon we may even forget what it was we heard. One day you wake and wonder where it all went wrong...again. Maybe then you'll remember what He tried telling you the first time!

3. Distracted - "If you want to hear God whisper to you, you have to be quiet." Facebook, Twitter, reality TV, our social lives, worries, friendships, jobs, the wrong guys...all distractions that drown out the voice of God. We spend hours on other things rather than take some time to shut out all the noise, and quietly reflect on those things God is placing in our hearts. God doesn't yell...often it's a quiet whisper...listen for it!

4. A Willing Mind - "God speaks to people who decide in advance to do what he tells them to do, not those who say, 'God, tell me what to do and then I’ll decide if I want to do it.' When you have an attitude of cooperation, you are going to hear from God."

My hope for you is that you open your mind, heart and eyes and ears to the will of God in your life. That as you search for answers regarding your love life that you are willing to say, "Whatever you got for me God...I'll do it." For to walk in the will of God is to walk in peace, in certainty, and with the confidence in knowing that the One who created you loves you so much that He has the best in store for you. He knows your heart...let Him lead it...I guarantee you it won't ever be broken again!

No Regrets!

Soooo....I abandoned blogging last semester as life got crazy hectic with school, mommyhood and work. I have at least 4 posts I have started to write and promise...ok, no promises...'hope' to complete before 2012.

Singles often think that once one gets married, there is no longer a need to think about singlehood. That we are able to shove that stage of our lives into the past...never to be considered again because let's be honest, we all have some craziness from our single days we would rather NEVER EVER revisit!



But I continue to think about singleness/hood. Not because I miss it but rather because as I look back on all the decisions I had to make as a single navigating the dating waters I realize that each one was monumental, integral, super important, even if at that time I didn't realize it. Questions had to be answered: Is this the guy for me? Should I wait and see if things in this relationship will get better or is it time to throw in the towel? Will he change? Should I change? Will my parents/sisters/ friends approve? And so on and so forth, the questions were endless as were the decisions. And the answers to each one MATTERED!

And as I do life with my husband I continue to see confirmation that making all those tough dating choices: choosing to be alone over being with the wrong guy, choosing to stay in on the weekend rather than go on a date to waste/pass the time, choosing to work on myself and my faith rather than on wasting energy trying to change the wrong guy into the right one, all those decisions led me to him - To the man that makes me laugh, is my biggest cheerleader, my supporter and encourager as I pursue my career and further my education, as I set goals and dream dreams. He is the father I hoped for the children I dreamed of having (watching him play with and love on our boy is that dream come to reality). And so the answers to all the tough questions DO matter...why?

Because those answers lead to decisions, decisions that in turn dictate the course of your life and the life long commitments you will need to make. Who will you marry? Who will you choose? Will you say yes to that ring and forever?? And with the answers to those questions, we put our dreams of happily ever after on one person with the HOPE that they are capable of giving that to us. And this is where many men and women fail....

We create a list of wants/needs, of non-negotiables, of qualities we are looking for in a husband or wife. We commit to be committed to these lists and then we become IMPATIENT. We allow exceptions to enter in and justify dating people who don't fit any of our criteria! With time we compromise our hopes and wants and settle for what is because of fear. Fear of never being loved, being alone, being rejected, being judged. We marry the wrong person....we live with regrets...we feel unhappy...we want the happiness others have...we want to change our partners (when we married them knowing full well what they were like)....we want what was never there...we want to create the life we dreamed of out of relationships that never had the foundation to make that dream a reality. In the end we hear folks say that they fell out of love, that they've changed and the relationship has changed, that it's not what it used be (when if they had been honest, it never was!), and that divorce must be the final solution (divorce..that's a whole other blog for marrieds!).

So to my singles out there...how to make sure you end up with YOUR happily ever after? How do you make sure you don't look back 2, 3, 10 years into your marriage and think...THIS is NOT what I wanted!

1. Get REAL - Get REALLY REAL! Take off the rose-colored glasses and take an honest assessment of yourself, of the dating decisions you're making, and of your current dating situation. If you're with someone who does NOT meet your expectations, your needs, has your value system and beliefs...GET OUT!

2. Quit Wasting Time - Putting a ring on your finger will NOT magically transform a man into the man you've always dreamed of having...heck to the NO it won't! YOU CANNOT CHANGE YOUR MAN! (that's yet another post!) Take them as they are or don't take them at all! If you're attracted to the wrong type of guy...and many of you are and KNOW IT...and you're reading this because you know it...then you KNOW you're just wasting your time and theirs...so stop the nonsense or stop complaining when you're disappointed again by them...you're driving those of us who have to rehash the drama with you crazy!

3. Warning Signs - are you seeing them or ignoring them? Ignore then = regret in the long run. I remember seeing AND feeling the warning signs, red flags, whatever you want to call that which tells you DEEP DEEP down inside that this person IS NOT THE ONE...that's what you need to tap into. That's what you need to listen to and acknowledge...that is what should should drive your decision-making.

4. Wisdom - God places some folks in your life that can also help with #1-3...however, many times we become stubborn and hard headed and don't want to listen to what anyone has to say about our dating choices even when it's out of love, care and concern. I'm here to tell you to put the ego aside and open yourself up to what others may be seeing in your dating life. Their observations may be God-given insight that He is using to help answer your prayers for love, happiness, a partner...so don't disregard...especially if you're asking for their advice and opinions and/or praying for answers!

The saddest thing for me to see and hear about is men and women marrying the wrong person for wrong reasons and hearing about the regrets they are living with years later. It happens...is happening...will continue to happen....check out this clip from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (because I'm obsessed with reality TV and how it confirms so many of the observations and lessons I've gained about life and love) as one of the wives shares her sadness with another wife who's marriage she envies and wishes she had:


So ladies...and maybe gentlemen reading this...if there are problems now..a ring won't fix it.

If your gf/bf doesn't love you how you need to be loved...a ring won't change that!

If you are not laughing and having fun with your gf/bf now...a ring won't fix it!

If you're hoping they will change after marriage...a ring won't change them!

If you don't have the same interests now...a ring won't change that!

If he/she can't take care of himself/herself now...a ring won't change that!

If there's drama now...a ring won't fix it!

A ring will not magically transform an unhealthy relationship into the one of your dreams. So quit focusing on the ring and marriage as the end results and the goals and begin focusing on the process and decisions you need to be making in your current or future dating situation to ensure that the ring CONFIRMS it. Confirms your commitment to each other.













AFFIRMS it. Affirms that this man/woman, as they are NOW, is who you want to be with forever.

DEMONSTRATES it. Demonstrates that you have both done the work, had the conversations, prayed and received confirmation that you are truly the Ones for each other.

CELEBRATES it. Celebrates the peace you both have, no doubts in your minds or hearts, that this person is the One you should be with forever.

No regrets ladies (and guys)...no regrets. That is my hope for you!

A Tale of a Man and His One

This month I wanted to feature the male perspective to this journey to finding the One. My brother-in-law Sammy is a new church pastor of Arise Christian Church, a self proclaimed Nuyorican and one of the funniest and fun guys I know. He's down to earth, He loves God, he's a talented drummer, a Disney fanatic and best of all, he's my little sister's One and a soon to be daddy! Their relationship was an example to me as I was on my own journey in search, or waiting, for my One. I hope you enjoy and learn a little bit more...from a man's perspective.

1. How long have you and Hilda been married?
We’ve been happily married 6 1/2 years.

2. How long did you date?
We dated for about 1 year and 2 months, and were engaged for about 10 months.

3. How did you know she was the One?
To be perfectly honest, it was NOT immediately. Hilda and I have a humorous love story, one that we love to share with others. We met at our local church in Orlando as teenagers. We were friends for many years, and even went through a period of time where we did not like each other...at all. We each had our own relationships with other people, and little did we know we were each critiquing each others boyfriend/girlfriend. Our friendship turned into one of caring for each other, but we were each too “Nuyorican” to express it to one another.
One August Friday evening in 2001, after not seeing each other all summer, we found ourselves both single at the same time. We both expressed to one another that we were single, and I kid-you-not, it was like a movie: the heavens opened up, and the angles started singing “hallelujah.” (not literally, but you get the dramatic emphasis) It was like God softened our hearts, and our true feelings for each other came out, and the rest is history. On that evening, we both just knew. I cannot really explain it, and I’m sure reading this makes absolutely no sense, but it’s a true story.

4. What personality traits or characteristics did Hilda have that confirmed to you at that time that she was the One?
I would be lying if I didn’t say that I found Hilda to be absolutely beautiful, and I still do today. I admired her hard work and work ethic, her passion, and her humor. We would always find a way to laugh and have fun. She has a sincere love for the Lord, and that was an important quality that I wanted in a wife, and future mother. All in all, she was the missing link in my life. Little did I know that these traits and characteristics would be used to fulfill the calling that God has given us to be church planters.

5. What was being single like for you pre-Hilda? Did you date a lot, or not so much, did you date for fun, or were you always on the search for the One?
Oh my, this is a tough question to answer as a guy. Pre-Hilda was an adventure and growing experience for me. I realize now that God was preparing me for such a time as this. I did date women, and had long-term relationships. I did search for the One, and I didn’t want to get married “old.” It’s not that I did anything stupid or irresponsible, it was just that “pre-Hilda” was a period of learning and growth for “forever with Hilda.”

6. How do you feel God continues to confirm that Hilda is the One for you?
While we have much in common, it is also true that opposites attract. Hilda and I share a strong passion for God and ministry. It’s an AMAZING feeling to be involved in front-line ministry along side the one you love. Yet, our differences and individual strengths also compliment our relationship. We have learned the importance and value of teamwork throughout our marriage, and that just fortifies our love. The expectation of our first child in the next few months has opened up a whole new level of our relationship, and we’re having totally new discussions. And as a result, our love for each other continues to flourish and grow.

7. Any advice you would give young singles searching for the One?
Single men: man up!!! This 21st century culture needs real men: men that love God; men that give good testimony; men that do not live double-lives; men that are responsible; men that help cultivate a Christian home; men that honor the humanity, dignity, and dreams of women; men that are recovering “machos.” Marriage is more than just the wedding night and the honeymoon. Marriage is a responsibility and a covenant. You want to find the One? Get your life on track first.

8. Where did God fit into that journey for you?
I find myself resonating with Psalm 124, because if the Lord had not been on my side, who knows what kinds of story I would be sharing today. I thank God that in both my low moments and high moments I clung onto Him, and I praise Him even more because He responded, continually displaying that He is faithful. In all my life successes, in all my accomplishments, and in all my experiences, if the Lord had not been on my side, they would have meant nothing. The journey I was on is not over. I am still on it! I just feel blessed to have the One, so we can walk it together.