The Bachelorette...ohh Jillian!

We interrupt this blog for an emergency post on this season's Bachelorette finale....WHAT WAS SHE THINKING?! Tonight my facebook blew up as friends and I commented throughout this 2 hour finale. It all seemed to be going along just like every other Bachelor/Bachelorette finale until Reid came back. Here is where I wanted to reach through my TV, lift Jillian off that stage (cause let's be honest, she weighs like 80lbs.) and have a little reality chat with her.

My main issue was how she kept saying, "I don't know!" over and over and over again as Reid was telling her how he loved her and wanted to marry her (and might I add as she was hugging all over that young man looking like she was about ready for another of her famous make-out sessions). Jillian....please see post on How Do You Know? cause I think you just didn't know! It appeared that her ultimate goals were a diamond ring and a marriage proposal and she was rushing through a process which although may bring big ratings for the network, may leave her broken hearted once again...time will tell. For Jillian's sake, I hope she proves me wrong and it all works out for her and Ed the green-short-shorts-bathing-suit-wearing-workaholic-leave-and-return guy she chose.

In watching The Bachelorette through a lens of figuring out whether or not someone is the one I found Jillian making a lot of the same mistakes many of us girls make as we place pressure on ourselves to reach what we see as the end result...MARRIAGE (or is it the ring?). Perfect segue to what's to come...stay tuned!

We now return to our regularly scheduled blog...

How Do You Know?

I get this question ALL THE TIME! How do you know if he's The One?! Often asked by a young lady either in a relationship looking towards the future, or just getting out of one and wondering what went wrong. When I was about 26 years old I was in a relationship with a young man that had made it very clear to me and my parents that he intended to marry me. I questioned that decision and wondered daily whether or not he was The One. So I took the question to the local experts....that's right...my sisters Eileen and Hilda (yes, none of us have 'typical' Latino names, who knows why) who had married some very Godly men and seemed to have made the right decisions as far as I could observe.

I approached my older sister first who had been married for about 7 years at the time. The convo went something like this:

Me: Eileen, (wise big sis) how did you know Freddie was The One?

Wise Big Sis: I just knew. (with a nonchalant shoulder shrug)

Me: What? I mean how did you know?

WBS: I just knew.

Me (a bit exasperated by this point): Yes, Eileen but I mean, HOW did you KNOW?!

WBS: I know what you're asking me, and that's the answer. It's that simple.

Me: That is NOT an answer! (I think I may have yelled this at her and stomped my foot like a bratty litte kid, and yes, I'm the 'typical middle' child, deal.)

WBS - Someday you'll get it and it will be. (or something smart alecky to that effect).

**Just then the little sister walks in (going on 2 years of marriage)...what timing - especially since this took place at our parent's house and we all just happened to be there that day. (I think God set me up!)

Me: Hilda (wise lil sis), I just asked Eileen how she knew Freddie was The One and her answer didn't help. How did you know Sammy was The One.

WLS: I just knew.

Me: (Are you serious?!! More foot stomping and fists pumping in the air now) That's what Eileen said!!

WLS: It's true. (Hilda is known as the calm one)

Me: Yes Hilda but HOW did you KNOW? Were there signs? What made him The One?!

Hilda/Eileen: (I think they both said the same thing here) - There were signs, but I (we) just knew.

Me: Well that doesn't help! Thanks... (for nothing).

I swear they were laughing at me, like they knew something I didn't but would soon discover. So yea, I can say I walked away from that conversation feeling like nothing came out of it. Yet, when I got alone and I started to really think about it, I mean really think, it somewhat made sense...because what I did know was that the guy I was dating was NOT The One. As much as I may have wanted to be married (note I said married, not necessarily to him though) or thought he could be the One (note I said could, not was), I had to open my eyes to things I was ignoring, things that told me clearly he was NOT The One.

And so time would tell. Prayer and asking/begging/pleading with God to make it clear as the daylights whether this guy was or wasn't would reveal so much...and patience (oh yes ladies, patience the ever elusive gift to the unmarried lady waiting or seeking The One) and faith is what in the end worked. I've never been known for my patience. Actually, I'm still very impatient but I had heard a pastor once say that in order to learn patience we have to be placed in impatient situations. For a lady thinking she's ready for marriage, the waiting game is as impatient a situation as one could be in. And my faith...well I finally had to exercise it rather than just 'say I had faith' that God knew what was best for me. I was done doing it my way, believing words from some guy who was NOT the one for me. Faith...trust...it was time to practice them for real not just through words but in action...the act of patiently waiting, allowing God to lead.

So as I exercised some patience (hard, hard, hard) and trusted in God to show me and I finally saw it! He was NOT NOT NOT The One. No way, no how....he was NOT!! This truth didn't come overnight, it actually took about 3 months for me to see it, or rather to admit it to myself, and to my family. The prayers didn't yield the answers I may have wanted (cause single is not what I wanted to be...again!)...but they were what I needed...to open my eyes to the truth that my bf was NOT the one for me! I'm so happy I chose not to be as stubborn as I have been known to be, or so desperate for marriage or my 'happy ending' that I would jump into it with the wrong guy. In the end God knew what I needed and soon after I 'knew' Bobby was the One (here's a 'funny' - Bobby's dad had told him that when he found the girl he was meant to marry he would just know...nicely done Bobby's dad!). So how did I know? I just knew ;-) I hope you're patient enough to find out for yourself what that 'knowing' feels like.

Next: Why marriage is not a dream worth chasing...what?!

Great Reads While You 'Wait'

As I think back on my own journey that brought me to Bobby I have to stop and give much credit to the authors from whom I learned many a lesson. Although many church leaders will direct unmarried folks to the Bible as the source for the answers to all our questions concerning the search for the ONE...the reality is that reading the Bible on its own may not give you what you're looking for initially, it's all in there but we may need help 'getting it'. I know that for me, it really said nothing until I read it alongside Christian authors that helped bring a deeper meaning to what sometimes felt like heavy reading. Wisdom comes from God and really the only way to acquire it is through reading His Word. (Psalms 51:6 - Behold, you desire truth in the inward parts. You teach me wisdom in the inmost place.)

Yet, let's be honest...how many times have you tried reading the Bible and were left thinking...what the heck does that have to do with finding THE ONE?!...yea I felt that way a lot until I started picking up some other books from other folks just like me, who at one time asked who the One was, and within those pages, the words of scripture began to unfold. Here's my list, I hope you check some, if not all, of these great reads out!

Boy Meets Girl - taught me to rethink how I dated, the guys I chose to date, and how I handled myself in relationships. Truly, it changed my perspective on dating, I realized I had it ALL wrong!








When God Writes Your Love Story - Fall in love with your first Lover....I'll blog about this later but it changed me from the inside out!








Lady In Waiting - what are you doing in the meantime, as you wait, or search, or whatever you want to call it, for the One? Stop 'waiting' and start living!








Every Young Woman's Battle - watch enough chick flicks, read enough romance novels, observe your friends in dating relationships and you could really get a warped view on what that all should look like. This book goes to the heart of the issue. Ladies are giving up too much, too fast for all the wrong reasons...find out why.







The Purpose Driven Life - this one is not a dating book but rather a book about Life as it could be. It shed a lot of light into how I was living pre-Bobby, and more importantly pre-The Big Guy, and helped me find TRUE purpose. Life hasn't been the same since!

Introducing Jadon Luis

This is my lil thumb-sucking monkey Jadon. Had mommy not met daddy (my ONE) no monkey would exist today and that would've just been sad!

Jadon 4 months

Jadon 4 weeks w/Emi

Why I Blog

Because it's about time I put all the countless hours of advice I dish out in writing. Because sometimes I feel like I sound like a broken record with the things I say. Because I've accumulated some golden nuggets in the area of love throughout my own journey. Because I hope to help one more seemingly love-lost lady find what she's looking for. Because the ONE is more than just a number, an idea, an ideal, a dream. Because I can.

That being said, I truly hope that if you're wondering, searching, screaming out - WHERE IS HE?! That you'll drop in, engage, reflect and hopefully your journey will take you places you never even imagined you would go. I don't promise to have all the answers or even the right answers, but I do promise to be honest in what I share. ~ Blessings