How Do You Know?

I get this question ALL THE TIME! How do you know if he's The One?! Often asked by a young lady either in a relationship looking towards the future, or just getting out of one and wondering what went wrong. When I was about 26 years old I was in a relationship with a young man that had made it very clear to me and my parents that he intended to marry me. I questioned that decision and wondered daily whether or not he was The One. So I took the question to the local experts....that's right...my sisters Eileen and Hilda (yes, none of us have 'typical' Latino names, who knows why) who had married some very Godly men and seemed to have made the right decisions as far as I could observe.

I approached my older sister first who had been married for about 7 years at the time. The convo went something like this:

Me: Eileen, (wise big sis) how did you know Freddie was The One?

Wise Big Sis: I just knew. (with a nonchalant shoulder shrug)

Me: What? I mean how did you know?

WBS: I just knew.

Me (a bit exasperated by this point): Yes, Eileen but I mean, HOW did you KNOW?!

WBS: I know what you're asking me, and that's the answer. It's that simple.

Me: That is NOT an answer! (I think I may have yelled this at her and stomped my foot like a bratty litte kid, and yes, I'm the 'typical middle' child, deal.)

WBS - Someday you'll get it and it will be. (or something smart alecky to that effect).

**Just then the little sister walks in (going on 2 years of marriage)...what timing - especially since this took place at our parent's house and we all just happened to be there that day. (I think God set me up!)

Me: Hilda (wise lil sis), I just asked Eileen how she knew Freddie was The One and her answer didn't help. How did you know Sammy was The One.

WLS: I just knew.

Me: (Are you serious?!! More foot stomping and fists pumping in the air now) That's what Eileen said!!

WLS: It's true. (Hilda is known as the calm one)

Me: Yes Hilda but HOW did you KNOW? Were there signs? What made him The One?!

Hilda/Eileen: (I think they both said the same thing here) - There were signs, but I (we) just knew.

Me: Well that doesn't help! Thanks... (for nothing).

I swear they were laughing at me, like they knew something I didn't but would soon discover. So yea, I can say I walked away from that conversation feeling like nothing came out of it. Yet, when I got alone and I started to really think about it, I mean really think, it somewhat made sense...because what I did know was that the guy I was dating was NOT The One. As much as I may have wanted to be married (note I said married, not necessarily to him though) or thought he could be the One (note I said could, not was), I had to open my eyes to things I was ignoring, things that told me clearly he was NOT The One.

And so time would tell. Prayer and asking/begging/pleading with God to make it clear as the daylights whether this guy was or wasn't would reveal so much...and patience (oh yes ladies, patience the ever elusive gift to the unmarried lady waiting or seeking The One) and faith is what in the end worked. I've never been known for my patience. Actually, I'm still very impatient but I had heard a pastor once say that in order to learn patience we have to be placed in impatient situations. For a lady thinking she's ready for marriage, the waiting game is as impatient a situation as one could be in. And my faith...well I finally had to exercise it rather than just 'say I had faith' that God knew what was best for me. I was done doing it my way, believing words from some guy who was NOT the one for me. Faith...trust...it was time to practice them for real not just through words but in action...the act of patiently waiting, allowing God to lead.

So as I exercised some patience (hard, hard, hard) and trusted in God to show me and I finally saw it! He was NOT NOT NOT The One. No way, no how....he was NOT!! This truth didn't come overnight, it actually took about 3 months for me to see it, or rather to admit it to myself, and to my family. The prayers didn't yield the answers I may have wanted (cause single is not what I wanted to be...again!)...but they were what I needed...to open my eyes to the truth that my bf was NOT the one for me! I'm so happy I chose not to be as stubborn as I have been known to be, or so desperate for marriage or my 'happy ending' that I would jump into it with the wrong guy. In the end God knew what I needed and soon after I 'knew' Bobby was the One (here's a 'funny' - Bobby's dad had told him that when he found the girl he was meant to marry he would just know...nicely done Bobby's dad!). So how did I know? I just knew ;-) I hope you're patient enough to find out for yourself what that 'knowing' feels like.

Next: Why marriage is not a dream worth chasing...what?!