Ms. Oh So Wrong

As promised in my prior post, here's my story on how I so wanted to find Mr. Right but I sure wasn't Ms. Right! See when I was single I looked around at all the marrieds in my life and found that what I wanted was a relationship such that my sisters and parents had. One where their marriages where founded upon each individual's relationship with Christ which was integral to the success of their unity. Their faith carried their relationships when troubles came and kept them grounded rather than throwing them into the chaos of uncertainty I saw in my married friends who did not share the same faith values.

Now, although that's what I wanted, here's what I was doing to try and attain that. I was still acting like I was in college, going out drinking and clubbing, in love with the idea of being in love, falling for guys with smooth words, good looks and little faith, hanging out with girlfriends that told me what I wanted to hear not what I needed to hear, and pining over lost/past loves. Sometimes I was even walking through doors God had closed (ok, I was kicking them open to be honest!).

Then something clicked. I finally got real with myself and admitted that my way had never worked. That I kept doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results...that is the definition of insanity right?! So I took a little sabbatical from dating and all those other distractions I kept in my life so I wouldn't have to face the deafening silence of loneliness. The reality that I wasn't as happy as I made everyone around me believe I was. The fact was I was lonely and tired of running around chasing a fairytale.

I spent a year journaling, reading, and praying. I finally got serious about my own personal relationship with God and slowly buy surely He began showing up in my life in small but significant ways. He was in the new friendships I made as I began attending a new church. He was in the wisdom that I gained that let me see when a guy was worth my time or would just lead me astray again. He was in the strength I gained to set and stick to physical and emotional boundaries with guys so as to not give away too much (or all of myself) too soon. He was in the new life that emerged whereby I no longer focused solely on finding my One, but rather focused on life as I was living it.

As I look back now I see how those small changes led to a drastic life alteration in which I emerged a completely different person. The nightlife lost its appeal and was replaced with fun nights of hanging out with friends in truly meaningful ways, basically doing life with like-minded people. My relationship with my sisters and parents improved as I could now see their tough love was their desire for the best out of my life. Even the way I talked and acted changed. That year was also the year I left my career in Higher Education behind prompted by God's leading to return to graduate school 1000 miles away from everything and everyone I knew. In that one very difficult decision, and for the first time being completely obedient to God no questions asked, my life finally found the peace and solace it had always craved. A certainty that I was exactly where I needed to be doing exactly what I was created to do.

It was that new me that finally attracted my hunny who had entered my life the year prior to all this. Ask him and he'll tell you how unappealing the old me was to him. How he was my friend but at times couldn't stand me. How when he came to visit me in graduate school with one of my friends (who by the way I was trying to set him up with) he said he encountered a vulnerable yet stronger woman who was fully relying on God and that was attractive to him. How my decision to be obedient to God showed him a woman who he could be with forever because he knew I was grounded in the same faith that led his life. We've been together ever since.

I look back at so many wasted years doing life my way with less than stellar results and how I feared giving up that life would make me a boring and unappealing woman. The miracle of faith is giving up the power to write our own story to allow the Great Author to take the pen; the story that emerges will be amazingly unimaginable . Sometimes I look back and it seems as if it never occurred. If I knew then what I know now...It's for that reason I blog.

Happy Holidays!

Are YOU Ms. Right?

Ladies, ladies....are you running around searching for Mr. Right? Have you stopped to ask yourself whether or not YOU'RE Ms. Right? Have you stopped and asked God what kind of woman God is wanting to mold you into during your time of singleness? We go around wasting time in relationships trying to change guys into being our ideal Mr. Right when in reality, if WE were Ms. Right we would know it's not our job to change the guys. It's not our job to demand that they become our perfect ideal and it's not their job to fulfill every fairytale dream we carry around in our hearts.

Being Ms. Right is knowing that whether or not you're in a relationship, you're right where God wants you to be. That a man doesn't define you, isn't solely responsible for your happiness and is not meant to fulfill every single need your life has. Being Ms. Right is finding fulfillment in the life that God has given you right at this moment, living in the here and now and not in the "what ifs" of the past or the uncertainties of the future. Being Ms. Right is about full dependence on God to be the giver of joy and filler of needs and independence from the unrealistic fairytale views of the world that have us believing that there is no life apart from a man.

Are you Ms. Right? I'll be posting a follow up on this and sharing my own story of discovering what it meant to be Ms. Right and not Ms. Searching for Mr. Right. Until then....I hope you begin reflecting on your thoughts, actions, decisions, and desires and see where you fall on this journey to being Ms. Right...if you so desire.

When God Breaks Your Heart

Sometimes I come across articles that just say it best. Here's one that I loved. Men and women have broken hearts since the beginning of time but God breaks hearts as well. Do you blame God for your broken heart? Have you had your heart broken by God? I know I have and this article sheds some great insight into the purposes of such a break (#4 is my favorite!). It's worth a read! You can also click on the title and it will take you to the Girls Gone Wise website where I found it. Enjoy!

When God Breaks Your Heart

by Gabrielle Pickle

There it was glaring out from the computer screen. The words I never thought I would see. I had been so confident in how God had directed me. For a moment I could not breathe. “We regret to inform you that…” I couldn’t read the rest of the email. The tears suddenly gushing down my face had obscured my vision. The email shattered my dreams. My heart, that desired so badly to serve God in this particular way, crumbled into pieces.

I could not understand how this had happened. I prayed so hard. I prayed all of the right things “… God, Your will be done. God, give me a desire for the choice you want me to make, and take away all desires for the other options. God, confirm this if it is your will. God, shut the doors that I do not need to enter. God, I want this badly, but I want you more … ” He took away my desires for every option but one. He confirmed over and over again that this was what He had for me. He closed every door and window except for this one.

And then he closed this one.

What do you do when God breaks your heart?

The pain was so great that I couldn’t bear it alone. Somehow I found myself driving, brushing away tears as they clung to the edge of my sunglasses. Swallowing sobs, I tried to concentrate on driving, but my only thought was, “Oh God, what now?”

I ended up at the home of a lifelong friend. “Why,” I asked angrily, “Does God tell you something and then all of a sudden change his mind?”

“God is truth.” She said, opening her Bible. “Everything God tells you is truth. Remember, He sees things different than you do. ‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, says the LORD.’” (Isaiah 55:8)

Why does God break our heart?

1. Because our hearts lead us astray.

I am a planner, a card-carrying member of the list-bound masses. We are very goal oriented…. It is how we make it through the day. So when God gives us a future goal, we work toward that point as if our life depended on it (because we think it does). And somewhere along the way, the goal can become our god. And God becomes an afterthought that we occasionally ask to bless our efforts. And just like that, our hearts have led us astray. “The heart is deceitful…who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9)

2. Because God is a jealous God.

Often, the goal becomes our God. We make it into an idol and organize our life in worship to it. Whether it is a relationship, career path, academic degree, status symbol, or to-do list we are determined to complete, when that goal becomes the ruling authority in our lives, it is an idol. And God is a jealous God. He wants to be number one in our hearts and lives. Because He is God – that is His right. That goal or list may be your security blanket, but it is powerless to save you from the sentence of your own sin. “You shall have no other gods before me…for I the Lord your God am a jealous God.” (Exodus 20:3-5)

3. Because God loves us.

In breaking our hearts, God is rescuing us from ourselves. God breaks our hearts, not to hurt us or because He enjoys our pain – no! God breaks our hearts when we have become so focused on some goal, rather than on Him. He breaks our heart because it is the only way He can save us from ourselves. He breaks our heart because it is the only way to remove a dream that is not His best for His daughter. “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” (Prov. 16:9)

4. Because God is seeking a relationship.

In my limited human understanding, it seemed like God had lied. Yet Scripture makes it clear that God is incapable of lying and that everything God said is true.

So had I heard wrong? Had I misunderstood God for all these years? No…and Yes.

When I finally stopped crying, I remembered that God had set me on this path, but had not promised the endpoint. In my itty-bitty human mind, taking a path only had one outcome….reaching the goal. But God is not bound by my small-mindedness. He guided me to work toward the goal, but He never promised I would achieve it, I just assumed… “For my thoughts are not your thoughts… declares the Lord.” (Isaiah 55:8) Many times God may lead us down a certain path toward an unknown door. We, of course, are focused solely on the door at the end of the journey. When we reach the end, we may find that the door is locked. God did not lie. We may be distracted by the human goal, but God was leading us toward an eternal goal – a closer relationship with Him.

Then how are we supposed to plan?

Does this mean that plans are evil and we cannot make lists?

No. It means we should not structure our lives in worship of the “Almighty List.” It means never setting a goal above God in our hearts. It means we are to make plans in humility, submitting every hope, dream and earthly goal to the Lordship of Christ. We must hold the things of this earth loosely. Our only immovable goal should be God Himself. (James 4:13-16)

What do you do when God breaks your heart?

When God breaks your heart….hand Him the pieces.

Because He is good and trustworthy and He will always do the best thing. God is good, and even though my dream was dead, my heart rested securely in the arms of my Savior. Looking back, I see now that God had to break my heart to remove that dream so that He could guide me to a far better dream. God was acting in my best interest, even thought it hurt. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart.” (Prov. 3:5-6)

Wait....

This amazing poem was posted on FB last night and I thought it may be of encouragement for times when we wonder when God will answer our prayers, our cries, our heart's desires. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

WAIT by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried; Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied. I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . . And the Master so gently said, "Wait." "Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply. "Lord, I need answers, I need to know why! Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard? By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word. "My future and all to which I relate Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait? I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign, Or even a 'no' to which I can resign. "You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe, We need but to ask, and we shall receive. And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry: I'm weary of asking! I need a reply." Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate, As my Master replied again, "Wait." So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut, And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?" He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . . and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign. I could shake the heavens and darken the sun. I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run. "I could give all you seek and pleased you would be. You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me. You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint. You'd not know the power that I give to the faint. "You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair; You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there. You'd not know the joy of resting in Me When darkness and silence are all you can see. "You'd never experience the fullness of love When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove. You would know that I give, and I save, for a start, But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart. "The glow of my comfort late into the night, The faith that I give when you walk without sight. The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask From an infinite God who makes what you have last. "You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee, What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee. Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true, But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you. "So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me. And though oft My answers seem terribly late, My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait." ©Russell Kelfer. All rights reserved.

In Love with with Great Potential?

I'm seeing this cycle time and time again. Young women (and sometimes men too) falling in love with someone who they see great potential in. They justify these relationships to others who have noticed the red flags by saying, "Oh but I just see the man/woman they can be!" or "they're working on becoming what I need". Unfortunately, the reality is that for very few of these relationships will that potential ever become a reality and again ladies/guys are left disappointed, brokenhearted, and pining away for what "could have been" rather than the reality of what was.

Potential...You know what potential is? Just wishful thinking. A possibility that doesn't exist unless it's fulfilled.

My advice to all the singles out there, don't date the potential you see, date the reality because that potential is no guarantee. No matter how much love or time you put into trying to change someone into the potential you see in them, the truth is that the only person that can decide to make the change is them. As long as you're hanging around loving them (and nagging them) for who they are, the longer they'll remain just as they are.

I challenge you to decide what you're looking for in your future mate and to settle for nothing less. In doing so, you can more freely love them because they don't need to be told by you how to act and what to do....they'll just do it! I know for myself, part of my own process of change (becoming less self focused and more others focused) came about from my own relationship with God. As I started to understand how God loved others, and how he intended me to love others, I stopped demanding that all my needs be fulfilled by my dating partners and started seeing that only God could fulfill them. In turn, I attracted my husband, a man who has a selfless heart for serving others wholeheartedly, without second thought. He saw in me a woman fully relying on God and and I saw in him a man that loved God in such a way that obedience to Him was the most important thing. That meant that IF GOD wanted him to change, he would. I knew I could love a man with such a willing heart because I knew he would love me just as I had always desired.

No more settling my friends!

Dear Single Ladies

If you read the previous post and the blog linked to it, then you know there's a version for single ladies. If you didn't check out the version for single ladies, I encourage you to do so. Click here to read about 'How to live a Great Love Story" from the perspective of a guy. I think he shares some great insight for single ladies and I love his brutal honesty...cause if you know me... ;-) I hope your take away is self reflection on the choices you've made up to this point in your dating life. If you want the love story I talk about in this blog, Don Miller's advice is spot on. If you seek something else, this may not be for you, but thanks for stopping by.

Sincerely,
Me, on behalf of the love story awaiting you

Dear Single Men,

I know you don't really want to take dating advice from a woman...so take it from a man instead. If you're searching for YOUR ONE, I think the following by Donald Miller is a must read. PLEASE take the time to read it through and you'll save yourself the headaches of dating the wrong girl and you'll end up breaking less hearts!! There's a girl out there waiting for you to complete her love story. Click Here!!

Sincerely,
Me, on behalf of Single Ladies

Dear Single Ladies,
You should read it as well!

Blessings,

Tick Tock

Tick tock, tick tock, your life clock is ticking down....so depressing, right? Well it's all in how you look at it. I got the following devotional today and had to share some parts of it with all you singles out there. Why? Because often, as singles, time is seen as the enemy. You place time limitations on your dating lives and freak out when you haven't found the One, or the person hasn't made your relationship 'official', or you haven't gotten the ring. But time is not the enemy. It takes time to build a relationship (and sometimes we rush it and have disastrous results), it takes time to mature and grow and know yourself well enough to know what kind of guy or girl you should (or shouldn't be) dating, it takes time to heal from past hurts and wounds, it takes time to move past a broken heart, it takes time to get rid of bad habits that may be keeping you from being successful in any relationship. And as you read this devo, I think you'll agree, that we want it our way, right away, forgetting that God isn't Burger King and we can't just send up a drive-through prayer and expect immediate results. There's much to be learned in whatever time God is giving you during this time of singleness...take the time to find out what it is! It will yield Long Term Rewards!

Hope Now with Long-Term Rewards
by Rick Warren

“Since we are his children, we will possess the blessings he keeps for his people, and also we will possess with Christ what God has kept for him! For if we share Christ’s suffering, we will also share his glory! I consider that what we suffer at this present time cannot be compared at all with the glory that is going to be revealed to us.” Romans 8:17-18

A Harvard study found that the more long-term your thinking is, the more successful you will be in life. And the more short-term your thinking is, the less successful you will be.
Unsuccessful people only think about the here and now – what feels good now, what is nice now, and what gives results now. But if you think in the long-term, you will have greater success, because you are willing to put up with short-term pain to gain long-term benefits.
The reason America is in the financial mess it’s in right now is because of our inability to delay gratification. We don’t know how to say no. We say, “I want it and I want it now, even if I have to charge it and can’t pay for it,” and the debt has caught up with us. That’s what little kids do. They don’t know the difference between “no” and “not yet.” They have to have it now.
If you want God’s blessing on your life, you must focus on the long-term, not the short-term. You can’t allow hopelessness that comes from short-term thinking to take hold in your heart or you will get discouraged and give up too soon.
If you are feeling hopeless because of current struggles you are experiencing, keep in mind the words of the Apostle Paul: “[W]hat we suffer at this present time cannot be compared at all with the glory that is going to be revealed to us” (Romans 8:17).
My hope for each single reading this is that they will focus more on the long-term than the short-term; that they will choose not to settle for what is wrong while hoping it will become right (that RARELY if ever happens), that their focus would be upwards (God) and inwards (self-reflection) rather than outwards (distractions, wrong relationships, time wasters). My hope is that your hopes of love will be realized....in God's perfect time, because that will make that love simply PERFECT.

Who are you Yoking up With?

Yoke? Say what?! Yes yoke, not joke (sometimes I do speak with a Spanish accent, not this time lol) and not an egg yoke. Let's chat about dating and the bible and being unequally yoked...stick with me here!!

When I was in my mid 20s I would get asked all the time when I was going to settle down and get married. At the time I had a very active dating life and definitely loved the rush of 'falling in love' and yet with each relationship, deep down inside, I KNEW none of those guys could ultimately be the One. Why? Because I knew marrying them would make me 'unequally yoked' and what I desired out of a hubby (a man that loved God above all and had a true relationship with Christ) could not be achieved by simply dating them and hoping that they would see the light and come to know God and become that man. Very rarely does that happen. And although I surely wasn't living a Christ-centered life at the time, I knew that in the end I wanted the kind of marriage that could weather the tough times (since the odds are against marriages right?!), I wanted what my sister had, what my parents had, I wanted the happily ever after... and more importantly, the 'divorce is not an option' EVER after!

So I got serious about my own personal relationship with Christ (didn't happen over night, actually took about 2 years of getting rid of badly acquired habits and I'm still a work in progress!) and as I learned more about who God is, what love is and isn't I also discovered what qualities I really needed to look for in a guy in order to get my heart's desires. And so today I came across this great video, at times funny, at times in your face but it's on point! This pastor is single and he's straight up honest about reasons why...basically he refuses to settle and is willing to wait as long as it takes to led God lead him to the One. He is full of some great wisdom and here speaks straight truth about this whole 'unequally yoked' bit we hear all the time and want to ignore. If you're single, I hope it gives you a new perspective and challenges you not to settle on the wrong person in hopes of gaining your happily ever after!

The more I speak with singles entering dating relationships, the more I see a trend. Folks...we're dating as if we were still in high school! We're choosing partners based on superficial things: looks, car they drive, how they dress, money, how well they spit game on us - rather than choosing them for reasons that will ensure our relationships go the distance.

So, if you find yourself single and lonely and wanting companionship and longing for love don't just let any guy or girl into your life just because they're the one expressing interest and your ego and self-esteem are in need of a love boost. We all know how it will end. I'm still amazed at how surprised singles are when it does end...as if they didn't/couldn't/wouldn't see it coming. If you're choosing whom you date based on surface level things, how can you expect to get the relationship you desire in the end? If you compromise in those areas you consider non-negotiables (faith, values, lifestyle) then don't be surprised when all you end up with is Unhappily Ever After.

In my opinion, these decisions can't wisely happen without us placing complete trust of our hearts and minds in God's hands. Many of us claim to do it, many of us though fail to live it out be showing patience and wisdom in our dating choices.

Psalm 32:8 - The Lord says, "I will guide you along the best pathways for your life. I will advise and watch over you.
I don't know about you, but that sounded pretty good (too good to be true?) to me when I first read it. If doing so meant gaining the best love I could ever imagine having then it was a risk worth taking. A risk I was finally willing to take (trusting fully in God rather than doing things MY way) and one that in the end paid off BIG TIME! Not just because I ended up in love and married, but because in doing so, I gave God control over ALL areas of my life and that meant I allowed Him to make me into the woman He had created me to be, to continue molding and shaping me, to live out my faith by relying solely on him, rather than a man. To rid me of attitudes and habits that would make me unlovable and selfish and prideful (an ongoing process) and in turn more humble, and willing, and selfless.

In the end, the person I became in God, is the woman my husband found himself attracted to. Not the focused on myself, my looks, my needs, my happiness woman I was before. He knew both women, didn't like the former me (and mind you, loves to tell folks about her) and as he also trusted in God, that patience paid off.

So the next time you're faced with the question, "Will you date me?" stop and think on those things you desire in the long run, rather than our culture's somewhat skewed view of living in the moment and going after what makes us feel good right now. It will ensure you don't end up heartbroken again. Better to figure it out now, then after you go and say "I do", to Mr. or Miss Oh So Wrong.

How Long is Too Long?

Warning...this post may be tough love, but know I speak from a place of love for I too was a temper tantrum, pity party-thrower in my single days.

For a single person the waiting game is torturous and one can spend vasts amounts of energy wondering when the pain and/or loneliness will end. It's amazing the amount of time, thought, and sleepless nights we spend wondering when God will bless us with our One. I'm here to challenge you to put those thoughts in God's hands already! Give up your dream of a happily ever after, because let's be honest, you're not as in control as you think. And if you choose to try to be, rather than giving it over God, your 'happy ending' may really be your 'unhappy-what the heck did I get myself into?!' (and are you really willing to suffer the even more exhausting and painful process of a divorce?).

Many singles I speak with claim faith in God. And in the good times in their lives, God is exalted as being a pretty cool guy. But, singleness upon them, the story changes...bring on the temper tantrums and pity parties (I was quite the hostess of such parties as previously mentioned). We bemoan God's seeming inaction in our life and there goes our opinion of that cool Guy cause He apparently forgot about us.

The Bible tells us Noah took 120 years to build that monstrosity of an ark. 120 YEARS! That's more than a lifetime to us in this day and age! Yet, 120 years he spent being obedient, building an ark while people called him a fool, and waiting for that supposed rain that would flood the earth. 120 years he waited and trusted on what God promised, and as singles we struggle with a few months or years?! We become arrogant thinking we know what's best for us, when God is probably giving you some time to sort out the garbage in your lives in order to make you spouses who are not only worthy of that forever love you long for, but are strong enough and wise enough to endure the pains and hard times that kind of love will bring. Is marriage amazing? ABSOLUTELY! Is it perfect? NO! It's hard and you gotta work at it every day and that requires a lot of spiritual wisdom and a life completely surrendered to God because hubbies and wifeys are not perfect and they will let you down and sometimes they are unlovable and sometimes you will be unlovable and then what?

So my question stands...how long is too long? I say...as long as it takes! And when the One comes along you will know them without a shadow of a doubt because you will see him/her through the spiritual eyes (wisdom) God has gifted you with and you-WILL-know.

“You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a very little while, ‘He who is coming will come and will not delay.’” Hebrews 10:36-37 (NIV)

PS - Here's a story of waiting that made me smile...she was 33 when she got married...I believe her wait was quite worth it!

Do You Know This Guy?

I am the guy that walks on the outside of a sidewalk....
I am the guy that cooks dinner for her...
I am the guy that regrets hurting her...
I am the guy who knows which girl he wants....
I am the guy that's said, "Sex can wait."...
I am the guy that says "You're beautiful."...
I am the guy that was never too busy to drive across town to see her...
I am the guy that gives flowers and a card when she is sick...
I am the guy who has given her flowers just because...
I am the guy that said he would die for her...
I am the guy that really would...
I am the guy that did what she wanted to do...
I am the guy that cried in front of her...
I am the guy that she cried in front of...
I am the guy that holds hands with her...
I am the guy that kisses her with meaning...
I am the guy that hugs her when she's sad...
I am the guy that hugs her for no reason at all...
I am the guy who would give their jacket up....
I am the guy that calls to make sure she got home safe.....
I am the guy that would sit and wait for her for hours just to be able to see her for ten minutes.....
I am the guy that would give his seat up....
I am the guy that just wants to cuddle....
I am the guy that reassured her that she was beautiful no matter what...
I am the guy who told his secrets to her....
I am the guy that tried to show how much he cared through every word and every breath....
I am the guy that thought maybe this could be the one.
I am the guy that believed in her dreams.
I am the guy that would have done anything so she could achieve them.
I am the guy that never laughed at her when she told him her dreams.
I am the guy that walked her to her car.
I am the guy that wasn't just trying to get laid.
I am the guy that actually listened.

I know this guy, he's in my life now, he's my hubby, my One, the one I waited for, my answered prayer. So, my prayer is that if you're a single lady you come to know and feel just how much God loves you. And THIS guy (the one described above) is the kind of guy that loves God and therefore knows how to love you just like THAT. Don't settle for anything less! And to the single men...are you THIS guy? ;-)

SHOPPING AROUND or MAKING A PURCHASE?

As many of you know, I love running. Two nights ago my running watch that tracks all my runs went dud and died on me. I spent the next 3 hours sitting on my couch surfing the net for solutions to fix it while simultaneously comparison shopping for an upgrade on the watch...two days later and I'm still shopping around, not willing to commit to anything yet...what does this have to do with searching for the One?!

Maybe if you put as much time and thought into choosing who you date or say 'yes' to as you would into say...purchasing a car, a home, a new pair of shoes, that perfect dress, etc., you wouldn't be so quick to settle for the wrong person!

To the ladies...some of us wouldn't be caught dead outside without our hair 'did' and our makeup on, nor would we roll into some event where we know people will be checking us out without ensuring our outfit is killer! We may spend days, maybe weeks shopping for that perfect, figure flattering, figure enhancing outfit right?! So....why would we waste time on some guy who doesn't even meet our minimum expectations just because he's got the swag, dropped some pretty sweet lines that he's probably used a million times before, and is just sooo hot! - really? Is that enough to risk losing your heart to?

To the men...you wouldn't drop cash on your latest electronic toy of choice (X-box, Playstation, iPad, etc.) without consulting your buddies, the internet, your mom (lol) and any other 'trusted' source. Soooo....why would you pursue a woman merely on her exterior? Do you not look under the hood of a car prior to purchase? Why not take time to see what her heart and soul are about before settling for mere looks that fade away and may leave you with the nagging, annoying, needy girlfriend/wife you swore you'd never have!

So singles...take time to do your research...marriage is too risky a lifetime investment to forgo taking the time to make the right decision on!

Wishing you success as you window shop!

Waiting on the One or Choosing the Wrong One?!

Came across this and all I can is...TRUTH! Waiting on the One...what she says is LEGIT!

Are You INSANE?!

To Albert Einstein is attributed the following quote:

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

I can't help but read that and think about how many singles are currently acting insane or experiencing moments of insanity, specifically in your dating lives. You handle each dating relationship the same way, make the same mistakes over and over again (date the wrong people, give too much too soon, ignore the 'red flags', etc.) and yet expect different results. You continue to seek after the happily ever after while continuing to act INSANE. I know all about this...I too was "insane" at one time!

So this weekend, take time and reflect upon your own insanity, moments of insanity, lifetime of insanity and then make a conscious and empowering decision to do things differently...the results may be exactly what you've been hoping, praying and looking for.

Just say NO to INSANITY!

Do You REALLY Want to Know?!

I've been meeting and talking with young singles lately about knowing the will of God in their lives. In most cases, these conversations pertained to the will of God in their dating relationships. WARNING...if you want to know the will of God, you gotta be ready for His answer, not the one YOU want. I just did a study on Prepping Your Mind to Hear from God (adapted from the Purpose Driven Connection which you can check out here) and wanted to post 4 responses we often have when God is trying to answer our prayers or speak to us. Are you God's greatest obstacle in His will for your life? So often the answer is yes. Check out the responses and see if any of your responses lately have been the same.

1. Resistance - "Sometimes we don't give God a chance to talk. Our minds are made up, our hearts are hardened, and we're unwilling to listen." - We often respond this way in our stubbornness or belief that we know better than anyone else (including God) what is best for us. How wrong we are..and often find out the hard way.

2. Shallow or Superficial - "A person with this mind kind of listens to God’s Word, and maybe gets emotionally moved, but she/he never really does anything about it." Maybe what God is asking/telling you seems 'too hard' or would take too much time so although it sounds 'nice' we just sit on it, do nothing, and soon we may even forget what it was we heard. One day you wake and wonder where it all went wrong...again. Maybe then you'll remember what He tried telling you the first time!

3. Distracted - "If you want to hear God whisper to you, you have to be quiet." Facebook, Twitter, reality TV, our social lives, worries, friendships, jobs, the wrong guys...all distractions that drown out the voice of God. We spend hours on other things rather than take some time to shut out all the noise, and quietly reflect on those things God is placing in our hearts. God doesn't yell...often it's a quiet whisper...listen for it!

4. A Willing Mind - "God speaks to people who decide in advance to do what he tells them to do, not those who say, 'God, tell me what to do and then I’ll decide if I want to do it.' When you have an attitude of cooperation, you are going to hear from God."

My hope for you is that you open your mind, heart and eyes and ears to the will of God in your life. That as you search for answers regarding your love life that you are willing to say, "Whatever you got for me God...I'll do it." For to walk in the will of God is to walk in peace, in certainty, and with the confidence in knowing that the One who created you loves you so much that He has the best in store for you. He knows your heart...let Him lead it...I guarantee you it won't ever be broken again!