Did you just get CUSSED OUT?!

I know it's been a while so I thought it was time to get back to a little relationship blogging. A while back a friend of mine shared the following conversation she had with a male friend on Facebook:

guy: "who is the special guy in your life?"
girl: "no one...this lady is single"
guy: "what?! why?!"girl: "why are you surprised?"
guy: "you don't need to be single, you are too good of a woman"
girl: "so why is being single a bad thing?"

So... apparently...single = bad; relationships = good. So society would have us think. And so saying one single is like a cuss word! Saying you're single brings up a ton of different responses, right? From the "don't worry, he's out there!" to the sad "poor thing" look some older women may give you as if there's no hope for you! Well let me tell you, you better cuss some people right back! You better tell them that it's better to be alone than with some loser right? And that every single one of them was single and some point and so to cut you some slack as you attempt to make some wise choices in your own life. You tell 'em!...as kindly as possible....lol.
Being single is great because it allows you time to figure out who you are and what you want. It's a time in your life to pause and reflect on the relationship mistakes of the past and think about your wants for the future, and hopefully last, relationship to come. It's a time to think about what you gave up in the past for a not-so-worth-it relationship and what you're not willing to compromise on now...or anymore for that matter. Being single is not a cuss word, being single is anything but. So next time you're asked if you're single, own it. Say, "heck yea I am, cause I'm worth it!"




P.S. - I'm glad to report that my friend from above did just this and she is now in a relationship she can write home about!

Girls Gone Wise

Are you a Girl Gone Wise rather than a Girl Gone Wild? I stumbled upon this great site with some hilarious and relevant topics to all of us ladies seeking to be wise in this crazy world! Hope you enjoy checking it out!

Girls Gone Wise Site!

When Marriage is the answer....

Is marriage the answer to the happiness you've been looking for? Looking for the One to meet all your needs? What would you compromise for it? Got 30 minutes? Watch the following marriage series (4 total episodes) and make sure you're looking for the right things on your journey to the One. There's a twist!

Marriage series!

The Reality of Finding the One...Not a Reality TV Show!

Sorry it's been so long...life happens...life with a 14 month...well...one day hopefully many of you will understand...after you find the One of course! ;-)

This is going to be short and sweet...ok maybe not so sweet but blunt and honest...

Finding the One...NOT a reality TV show! It's also not a fairytale, nor a sappy romantic movie, nor a bad episode of any CWTV show (i.e. 90120, Vampire Diaries, One Tree Hill, etc.) So, if you are into all these 'genres' of entertainment...awesome! But do NOT think for one minute that's how it all goes down. If you believe that...well you may be searching for the One for a long time or you'll end believing any and every guy that shows interest could/is the One. Don't be a sucka sister!

Want to know how NOT to act when searching for the one...watch this season's 'are you kidding me with this?!' Bachelorette series ...it won't disappoint with its very annoying and seemingly desperate attempt at Ali's (that chica there)------------------>
search for love...basically she's blind or lacking wisdom...but it all makes for a good laughs, and great lessons. Watch it with other single ladies in your life, makes for even more laughs!


Peace & Love!

PS - For the Bachelorette fans out there...Trista is the exception...not the rule!

Don't Fall in Love!!

This post has been a long time in coming. The idea of falling in love is often the driving force behind women and men longing to be in relationships. We hear things such as, "it was love at first sight" or "I love being in love" or on the flip side, "I fell out of love." It is for that reason that I felt compelled to blog about the subject of falling in love. I think the world (and once again thank you Hollywood for twisting what love is into what it isn't and making millions believe the fairy tale) or many in the world, have it all wrong. I've asked young people claiming to be in love time and time again to give me reasons why they feel they are in love with their significant other and how they know that person is the One. I've heard things such as " they get me"(get you what?) , "they make me feel good" (um...I'm not touching that one! lol), "they make me laugh" (so do comedians), "they are good-looking" (not in 40 years), and my favorite, "I can't put it into words, I just know I'm in love." Now these are all fine responses I guess, but often times these answers remain surface level and we fail to look beyond them to the character traits that will ensure our relationships will last and that the person we're with has what it takes for that to happen.

What I'm getting at is that if you believe that you can fall IN love, then you believe you can fall OUT of love and if love is a feeling, then guess what?! That feeling could go away, right? How often have you heard couples divorcing say, "We just weren't in love anymore"? Or have you ever been dumped and the other person says "I fell out of love with you" or "I don't love you anymore." OUCH!

You know, sometimes my husband makes it quite difficult to 'feel' like I love him and I'm sure that more than once I've made it impossible for him to feel that way towards me too. Know why? Because we're humans, and we're flawed and we're going to act in un-loving ways. The way God intended perfect love to be was corrupted when a certain couple in a garden decided to take their lives into their own hands and disobey God. They chose to act un-loving towards the One that created them out of love. So sin enters into the world and it screws up what love was supposed to be and look like and daily we continue to do the same. And so we can't water down love to a feeling that someone gives us. Why? Because it's NOT a feeling. Love is a verb. It is active, it is action, it is a choice. We are commanded to "love one another" just as God has loved us. You can't command a feeling, you can't force a feeling, which is why Love can't be a feeling. But we can choose to love and whom we will love. And so you better make sure the one you're choosing to love is deserving of that love.

When we choose to love with that comes an array of things, some would call it blessings. Here's what I know. We give love with the hopes that we are loved in return in the same way and standard in which we are loving. When I realized while dating my hubby that loving him had turned into the kind of love that meant we were in this for the long haul there were no fireworks, lightning flashing across the sky, or angelic voices from heaven singing "Hallelujah, He's the One!" What there was though was a growing affection, an indescribable peace, mutual respect and admiration. I know those things may not sound as exciting as saying "We fell in love!" But those are things that I believe were about to ensure this relationship outlived the rest.

In our dating relationship I looked for, and found in him, those qualities that I recognized would sustain us being together long term. Those included: selflessness (he wanted me to pursue my dreams and actively supported me as I did so, he put others before him and my needs above his), respect (he didn't make me feel stupid, didn't try to change who I was, and really listened when I shared things with him even when we had differing opinions), forgiveness (I would need plenty of it, I'm a handful! And he didn't hold grudges), faith (he actively lived out his faith, he didn't just claim to be a Christian, he was, and that was important to me. I saw it in the way he lived his life, in the choices he made, in the relationships he had in his life, and in his commitment to being part of a fellowship with other Christian men, he was the real deal) and integrity (he was a man of his word, committed to his values and I saw that in his work and his personal life).

I could go on, but I think you get the point, or at least I hope you do. If you're looking to fall in love then you're going about it all wrong. Yes, we long to love and be loved. As women we long to feel as if we matter completely to another, that we're seen as beautiful and intelligent, that we're revered, protected, and appreciated. Those all come when we redefine how we see love, understand how God loves and how He expects us to love and be loved, and when we don't settle for anything less (settling...that's a whole other blog post!). The feelings that do come from being loved are what we explain as 'falling in love' and they are amazing, life changing, and enduring. However, my hope is that you take it slow, keep your eyes open, use wisdom and discernment as you embark on this journey. I will end by saying that this journey is best done with God, not apart from Him. As the author of love (after all, He IS Love) we have a lot to learn from Him. As we allow ourselves to be loved by Him, and in turn love him back, we can truly learn how to redefine and better understand love. He will never 'fall out of love' with us!

Disclaimer - you can disagree with this notion but I'll still love you ;-)

Slow Fade

Sunday, March 28, 2010

So it's been a while. Life has been crazy with work, school (7 more classes and I'm done from this near 7 year seminary journey, wohooo!), mommyhood and wifey duties. So glad I have some free time to myself. It's then that I can reflect on life and my favorite topic, love. Last night I attended the Casting Crowns concert. If you've never heard of them, youtube them. It was three hours of music that inspired and challenged listeners to live a different life. Some songs were like prayers to God, others told a story.

One song stood out to me because it reminded me of my life. In my 20s I spent a lot of time searching for love but in that search I turned my back on God. And if you've been reading this blog for long you know that there is no separating the two if you want the real thing. With each guy I dated I compromised a part of my life in the hopes that real love would emerge. Turning my back on the One that is Love led to some very poor dating relationships and lots of unnecessary heartache. I am attaching the lyrics (read them) and a video. How often do we give of ourselves when we shouldn't, we settle because we don't believe or accept that we do deserve the best and that God has that in mind for us. In our impatience we slowly fade into that which we never intended to be. The importance here is that if are willing to settle in our dating life and in our own lives, then imagine what your married life will look like.

Although the song may have multiple meanings depending on how you interpret it here, I believe it is relevant to a life longing for love, searching for the one, currently in a relationship you hope will turn into something it was never intended to be. My challenge is not to settle, not to believe the flattery dished out, but to critically look at your dating life. Are you willing to settle? Are you currently settling? Are you making excuses for why you're dating who you are, or is he/she really what you want/need for your life? What will life look like if your faith wavers and you believe that this is the best you will get? Are they the One God had in mind for you? The more honest you are with your dating life, the quicker you can make a decision as to whether or not to enter into/continue in a relationship rather than slowly fading and ending up in a forever with someone who is far from being the One.

Slow Fade by Casting Crowns

Be careful little eyes what you see
It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow

CHORUS:
It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
And thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade

Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray

CHORUS

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking

CHORUS

Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day

*Oh be careful little eyes what you see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little eyes what you see*

A Tale of a Man and His One

This month I wanted to feature the male perspective to this journey to finding the One. My brother-in-law Sammy is a new church pastor of Arise Christian Church, a self proclaimed Nuyorican and one of the funniest and fun guys I know. He's down to earth, He loves God, he's a talented drummer, a Disney fanatic and best of all, he's my little sister's One and a soon to be daddy! Their relationship was an example to me as I was on my own journey in search, or waiting, for my One. I hope you enjoy and learn a little bit more...from a man's perspective.

1. How long have you and Hilda been married?
We’ve been happily married 6 1/2 years.

2. How long did you date?
We dated for about 1 year and 2 months, and were engaged for about 10 months.

3. How did you know she was the One?
To be perfectly honest, it was NOT immediately. Hilda and I have a humorous love story, one that we love to share with others. We met at our local church in Orlando as teenagers. We were friends for many years, and even went through a period of time where we did not like each other...at all. We each had our own relationships with other people, and little did we know we were each critiquing each others boyfriend/girlfriend. Our friendship turned into one of caring for each other, but we were each too “Nuyorican” to express it to one another.
One August Friday evening in 2001, after not seeing each other all summer, we found ourselves both single at the same time. We both expressed to one another that we were single, and I kid-you-not, it was like a movie: the heavens opened up, and the angles started singing “hallelujah.” (not literally, but you get the dramatic emphasis) It was like God softened our hearts, and our true feelings for each other came out, and the rest is history. On that evening, we both just knew. I cannot really explain it, and I’m sure reading this makes absolutely no sense, but it’s a true story.

4. What personality traits or characteristics did Hilda have that confirmed to you at that time that she was the One?
I would be lying if I didn’t say that I found Hilda to be absolutely beautiful, and I still do today. I admired her hard work and work ethic, her passion, and her humor. We would always find a way to laugh and have fun. She has a sincere love for the Lord, and that was an important quality that I wanted in a wife, and future mother. All in all, she was the missing link in my life. Little did I know that these traits and characteristics would be used to fulfill the calling that God has given us to be church planters.

5. What was being single like for you pre-Hilda? Did you date a lot, or not so much, did you date for fun, or were you always on the search for the One?
Oh my, this is a tough question to answer as a guy. Pre-Hilda was an adventure and growing experience for me. I realize now that God was preparing me for such a time as this. I did date women, and had long-term relationships. I did search for the One, and I didn’t want to get married “old.” It’s not that I did anything stupid or irresponsible, it was just that “pre-Hilda” was a period of learning and growth for “forever with Hilda.”

6. How do you feel God continues to confirm that Hilda is the One for you?
While we have much in common, it is also true that opposites attract. Hilda and I share a strong passion for God and ministry. It’s an AMAZING feeling to be involved in front-line ministry along side the one you love. Yet, our differences and individual strengths also compliment our relationship. We have learned the importance and value of teamwork throughout our marriage, and that just fortifies our love. The expectation of our first child in the next few months has opened up a whole new level of our relationship, and we’re having totally new discussions. And as a result, our love for each other continues to flourish and grow.

7. Any advice you would give young singles searching for the One?
Single men: man up!!! This 21st century culture needs real men: men that love God; men that give good testimony; men that do not live double-lives; men that are responsible; men that help cultivate a Christian home; men that honor the humanity, dignity, and dreams of women; men that are recovering “machos.” Marriage is more than just the wedding night and the honeymoon. Marriage is a responsibility and a covenant. You want to find the One? Get your life on track first.

8. Where did God fit into that journey for you?
I find myself resonating with Psalm 124, because if the Lord had not been on my side, who knows what kinds of story I would be sharing today. I thank God that in both my low moments and high moments I clung onto Him, and I praise Him even more because He responded, continually displaying that He is faithful. In all my life successes, in all my accomplishments, and in all my experiences, if the Lord had not been on my side, they would have meant nothing. The journey I was on is not over. I am still on it! I just feel blessed to have the One, so we can walk it together.

Then Love Came Along...

This week I'm featuring Lisa & Lucho. Such a fun and sweet couple. Spending time with them I truly see unconditional love and true friendship lived out in their marriage. A young couple on the brink of celebrating their 1 year anniversary this Valentine's Day, Lisa & Lucho may be young but their Godly wisdom led them to make some very important decisions for their lives. I hope you enjoy Lisa's love story.

1. How long have you and Lucho been married?

Lucho and I will be married for a one year this Sunday, on Valentine's Day! :) February 14th.

2. How long did you date?

We were friends for three months and then dated for a year exactly before we got married.

3. How did you know he was the One?

Both Lucho and I told each other before we started to date that we were not going to date just to date, but we wanted to be heading somewhere. I knew that he had every quality of what I wanted in a husband. I did not want to date someone that I could not see myself married to. After a while of dating, we both talked about marriage, and I definitely could see myself with him for the rest of my life. I had been praying about him ever since I met him. I wanted to be sure before we started dating that this was God's will for me and I felt peace about dating him. While we were dating, I always was praying that if Lucho was not the man for me then he would close the doors, but everything was going so right and I could see that this was God's will.

4. What personality traits or characteristics that Lucho have that confirmed to you at that time that he was the One?

When I was younger my youth leader made us make a list of the characteristics we wanted in a husband. What we put down on that list she told us to never settle for anything less then what we deserved. I kept that list for a long time, but then lost it at one point. When I was dating Lucho I had found it again and everything that I had written on that list Lucho had... it was pretty cool to see that. Some traits were that he had to be a Christian, a man after God's own heart (I was not going to date anyone that was not a Christian), caring, sweet, loyal, thoughtful, funny, my best friend, someone who made me feel special, someone to challenge me and make me a better person, someone that was always there for me no matter what, and a man that was going to be a leader for both he and I. All of these characteristics and more describe Lucho, and God blessed me beyond anything that I could have even imagine, because it was God's will and not mine.

5. What was being single like for you pre-Lucho? Did you date a lot, or not so much, did you date for fun, or were you always on the search for the One?

I did not date a lot, but I did date guys with the mindset that they had to be Christian. I never really dated just for fun, but I was always wondering who I was going to marry and when I was going to meet him. I enjoyed being single at that time and I feel that while I was single I grew a lot with my walk with the Lord. I see now that I needed to be single for a while to be able to trust in the Lord with all my heart and to rely on him for everything. When I fully let go of everything and gave it to God shortly after that I met Lucho. I can see now how God's hand was in that whole process.

6. How do you feel God continues to confirm that Lucho is the One for you?

I feel that God confirms it in that every day I wake up knowing that I am blessed to have Lucho in my life, and that Lucho makes me the happiest that I could ever be. He brings out the best in me and always challenges me to do my best in everything I do and do it for the Lord. I have never been happier in my life than being married to him.

7. Any advice you would give young singles searching for the One?

PRAY! God will bring the man into your life when he feels that it is the right time for you. I know that it is hard to wait, but when you do wait on God, he will bring you someone that is the best for you. His timing is perfect. It may not be the timing you want it to be, but his timing is better than ours is. WAIT ON GOD, AND HE WILL BLESS YOU. :) Be comfortable with being single and stop worrying and searching for the One. When God wants you to meet him, you will. Relax, and wait on God.

8. Where did God fit into that journey for you?

I grew up in church and both sides of my family are Christians but I did not really give my heart to God until I was in middle school. Then after that, my relationship with God grew. This is when I realized what praying, reading the word, and trusting God really meant. Then God was always in the forefront everything I did. I have failed a time or two when thinking that my way was better than his, but soon after that I realized I was wrong and that I need him for everything. I still mess up, but God always brings me back to the right road again and forgives me with his loving grace. I would not be the women that I am today without God in my life.

God has seen Lucho and I through everything so far and we would not be where we are today without him. He is at the center of our relationship and Lucho and I cannot love each other without first loving God. So... "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understandings; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

Running the Race

Monday, February, 1, 2010

Throughout the last 7 years I have dabbled in the pastime of running, sometimes I'm consistent, sometimes I go weeks without lacing up the running shoes. Recently, I've returned to running more consistently (partly to lose the baby weight still hanging on lol). I have a running partner, Whitney, who is training with me for our first 15K this month. This morning after our run she said that when she runs alone she'll stop along the way but with a running partner she can go without stopping, that she's more aware of her breathing, and that essentially our partnership helps her to finish the run without having to stop. I feel the exact same way. Alone, I focus too much on myself and how tired I'm getting, but with her I concentrate on our pace, my breathing, and making sure she's ok so we can finish the run together.

Then I thought, what a great metaphor for relationships and it brought me back to my hubby. When we were first becoming friends our relationship deepened when he asked me to take up running with him. He encouraged me when I didn't think I could go any further, and made me believe in myself (little did I know then that our runs together would foreshadow our future relationship). I look at the other partnerships in my life (sisters, friends, colleagues) and I can see that the most successful ones are those where the other and I are supportive and encouraging. There is no envy or jealousy. There is no competition or illwill. Just a peace knowing we care about each other and want the best for the other. What a great way to look at a current dating relationship or to better examine a potential mate. Does your partner encourage and support you? Do they want you to succeed at whatever you're striving for? Are they a cheerleader for you? Do they "slow down their pace" so you can keep up, thus giving you the strength and endurance to keep going? Do they assist you in being successful?

There's a bible verse that talks about running a race (if you've never read the Bible, there's a bible verse about just about anything a person could go through in life!). Hebrews 12:1-2 says, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith."

I read that and I think how much value there is in remembering once again that we were made for a purpose (that purpose is NOT to just find the One!), an important one, how life is so much like a race and the only way to get through it is to strengthen our faith in Jesus and trust that as we turn our hearts and thoughts back to him, the rest of our lives will fall into place as God intended for them to be. That's a race worth running. Along the way, you'll hopefully encounter the One, but doing so is not the end of the race. Consider it the water station along the way which will give you a partner that will run with you and strengthen you, quenching that part of your life that thirsts, but there is so much more than just that one part. You have got to endure, don't stop running, don't give up, there's so much to experience along the way, make sure you do so with the right One!

Heather & Brannen...Love Unexpected

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Heather and Brannen are amazing friends of ours who moved across the country (and way too far from me!!) to Austin, TX to do some great work in that city...check it out here. I asked Heather to share about her own life's journey and how it led her to Brannen....I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did!

1. How long have you and Brannen been married?
5 years on June 11th.

2. How long did you date?
We were friends for 6 months, then dated for a year and a half before marriage.

3. How did you know he was the One?
I wouldn't say it was a "moment" but a period of time. When I got to know him and saw how much he really submitted to the Lord, I found comfort in putting my life in his hands and being married to him. For me, realizing that I trusted him enough that I would go anywhere, and do anything with him was the realization for me that he was the one. I knew that no matter what, God had given me a husband to journey through the good times and the obstacles of life with. (Now, years later good thing I trusted him because we ended up leaving the home I was raised and moved to Austin, Tx to start a church!) Not exactly my comfort zone, leaving everything I knew behind, but being with a man that I know submits to God about everything, makes it easy for me to be willing to move anywhere and do anything for him.

4. What personality traits or characteristics did Brannen have which confirmed to you at that time that he was the One?

1) Submitting to God. If a man or woman says they love God but don't show geniune submission and sacrifice for God, then run the other way. 2) Humility. I would say alot of women overlook humility. In fact, I wasn't particularly looking for this trait in a man. However, when I met Brannen his life was full of humility. The natural product of humility is a servant-heart. My advice would be to look for a man or woman who has a pattern of servanthood, otherwise they won't make a good husband or wife. If one person is a servant and the other is selfish, this will lead to an abusive relationship - emotionally and even physically and/or sexually. Futher, if a woman is prideful she won't let her husband lead, if a man is prideful then he'll lead a family selfishly. Humility is in my book the number one thing I would go back and look for.

5. What was being single like for you pre-Brannen? Did you date a lot, or not so much, did you date for fun, or were you always on the search for the One?
Before Brannen I dated a few guys for briefly. However, I dated one guy pretty seriously - as serious as a high school relationship can be I guess. I wouldn't say I was ever the girl that couldn't wait to get married. Finding a man wasn't priority number one in my life. I was really busy in my life with soccer and school, so I had little time to think about a relationship. In fact, I still remember my girlfriends telling me that I would be the last one out of our group to get married. In deed, God has a sense of humor and I ended up being the first one to get married out of my friends. I believe when you are content in God and not being absorbed by wanting/needing a man or woman then God can bless that in his timing if we are truly dependent on him alone.

6. How do you feel God continues to confirm that Brannen is the One for you?
Everyday, I wake up and think about how blessed I am. I know most married people might say something like, "Don't get married," or have some negative remark about marriage. However, for me I have loved being married to a man that constantly serves me and leads me well. I once heard my professor say, "I wouldn't mind submitting to a man, if I found one who was worth submitting to." In my opinion there are 3 things that are a MUST in any relationship. 1) Seeking God 2) Trust 3) Humility. If one of these is lacking, I would run the opposite direction. God shows me everyday that Brannen is the one for me in the little things Brannen does each day to show his love. Little things like serving me, complimenting me, and when I see Brannen's character and his pursuit after God - I'm 100 percent convinced he is the one God has for me.

7. Any advice you would give young singles searching for the One?
I would say, be patient, enjoy single life and the stage that God has you in. I look back and think about all the fun I had when I was single. I know many women just want to hurry up and get married; however, God uses you and chooses to make an impact through you at the stage of life you are in. Now, I love being married and having a little boy and God is using me at this stage in my life. So I guess I'm trying to say, be dependent upon God because you will see His will for your life through giving up everything to him. Another must is prayer, let God know what you are looking for. Also, read read read. Study the word, read books on dating and marriage. Seek the counsel of those who have been where you are. I would also say a must is to write down a list of characteristics that you want to look for in a man.

8. Where did God fit into that journey for you?
I was not raised in church, and gave my life to Jesus in my teens. When entering college, I'd say I made my first real attempt to whole heartedly seek after God. Previously to this, I had just come out of a pretty big party stage and at this point was now ready to give everything over to God. I pursued God not a relationship and that's when I met Brannen. The funny thing is I wasn't really interested in dating at the time and I thought he was "alright." :) I still laugh now because I am madly in love with Brannen, and once I saw how he pursued Christ I definitely fell hard for him.

If I could end by saying - It's easy when you're in love to be fooled by a person. It's not so easy for that person to fool your family, friends and those around you. Therefore, seek out Godly counsel on whether the man/woman you are dating is right for you. If you are the only one that thinks the person you are dating is amazing, then you just might be in a blurry cloud of love that's not true love and not a healthy or godly relationship to be in.

Thank you Heather!!

Happily Ever After

Hi All! I will be featuring some couples in my upcoming posts who have inspiring stories of hope and love. I hope through them you can gain the wisdom and patience needed throughout this journey.

Move Girl, Get Out the Way!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

No one does better at sabotaging the work God wants to do in our lives better than we do. We stand in the way of God all the while yelling, crying, fist pumping to high heaven, asking Him to step in and take over. Then we proceed to stand in His way, do what we want to do and then dare ask, "Where is God in this?!" Been there, done it, doesn't work.

Ladies today I ask you to move and get out of His way. If you want to allow God to fulfill His purpose for your life you need to put your own personal agenda aside. Put faith and patience into action (instead of merely requiring it of others). If God created you, don't you think He had some idea for what He wanted your life to look like? I know this...He loves us. He wants to bless us. He wants us to be full of joy. He wants us to be loved. In the journey of finding the One, don't you think maybe, just maybe, he knows what you need. He knows what kind of man can give you "forever"? He has that man picked out for you? Yes he does!

I believe God answers us in 3 ways:
1. Yes.
2. Not Yet.
3. I have something better in mind.

So move girl. get out the way and let Him show you the beauty He has in store for you!

New Year...New Life

Sunday, January 3, 2010


In the spirit of New Year and new possibilities I challenge all the single ladies (can you hear Beyoncé, I can) to take on the year with a new perspective and challenge yourselves to live this year unlike the rest. Some things to consider:

1. Invest in your girlfriends. So often we get wrapped up in our singleness pity party and neglect the females in our lives who we use as sounding boards as we recap every high and low of our current relationships. Therefore, this year, vow to spend some honest quality time with your girlfriends, not focused on men, but rather on each other. A good friendship will outlast many a bad relationship with a guy, make sure you're cultivating deep bonds with women who can love, support and encourage you as well as let you be yourself. So go grab some coffee, a glass of wine, a movie or take in some shopping with just the girls, do it often, do it soon.

2. Focus on your parents. As we get older we start to believe we know more than our parents and in turn can easily be driven mad by them. If any of you are like I was in my 20s avoiding time with parents was essential to freeing up time to pine over the latest crush. However, time with our parents is limited. The older we get the more we can really learn from and about them. Spend time asking them what their hopes and dreams were, what their love lives were like, what decisions were critical to the direction they took in life. There's a lot of wisdom that may be gained from this as well as an understanding of why they are who they are today. I wish I had learned this earlier in life while my mom was still capable of having such convos. As a stroke survivor she is now disabled and I often look at her with regret that I wasted so much time on stupid boys and not enough on getting to really know her.

3. Don't forget the siblings. Take time to nurture your relationship with your siblings. God put you together for a reason. There are conversations to be had, experiences to live out, laughs to share and memories to make. There are also lessons to be learned from each other including unconditional love, patience, forgiveness and understanding. My relationship with my sisters was pretty strained during my early 20s since I was completely immature, self-focused, and a bit boy crazy. Now that we're all married and in our (early) 30s our relationships are stronger than ever. I wish I had spent more time listening to them and seeking out their advice when I was in my 20s as they had great wisdom to share and deep down inside I longed for the type of marriages they had. A few years ago I heard from one of them that they had been praying together for me, that I would "get it" and refocus my life on where it should be focused. I believe their prayers saved my life and assured I would one day meet my One.

4. Live in the right now! Right now, not the past, not tomorrow, not what could be, but right now. We are so future and past focused and we fail to live in the present, the here and now. God calls us to leave tomorrow to Him and not worry about it. We are alive today and you may be single today so live with it and embrace and love today because God gave you today for a reason and a purpose. Each day determines your future, so make it count. As much as you may want to fast forward to meeting the One or your wedding day, you can't so get over it and live in the right now. Each day is a gift from God whereby He is refining you, perfecting you, and transforming me you into the woman He has created you to be and guess what, He's doing the same with your One, wherever he may be. So today pray for your tomorrow, thank God for the things He is doing right now in you and in your One because one day it will all make sense.

5. Give God a chance. If you don't have a relationship with God, I challenge you to seek one out, He's been waiting for you. He loves you so much and if you've tried everything else and it hasn't worked, well you have nothing to lose and everything to gain! If you do know Christ, then I challenge you to deepen your relationship with Him. Get into the Word, journal, join a small group, be consistent with attending church, carve out daily time to worship, talk and/or just listen. His work in us is never complete, our imaginations can't even fathom the things He has planned for us. That thought alone excites me because He is so good, and as such, everything He has in store for us is good!

6. Lastly, do the opposite, specifically in the area of love and relationships. Think back on the failures or the tough ones and the decisions or actions you made that may have contributed to their demise. Even dating a guy you knew deep down you shouldn't have, just cause you were feeling lonely or unloved. Do the opposite! If you dated losers (and we all know that we knew they were losers when we chose to date them so don't front like you didn't know lol) hold out for a winner. If you wanted a guy with your values don't settle for anything less. If you dated to feel complete, loved, attractive, or not alone, you need to stop that nonsense, no guy can do that for you cause all those issues are about us, not them. So do the opposite. Focus on you. Who does God want you to be? Make a list of the qualities and values you want in the One and don't settle or lower your standards (unless they're unrealistic) but instead place them in God's hands and trust He will come through. One of 2 things can happen. 1. He'll give you everything you've desired in the One or 2. He'll change you so much that your desires become God's desires for your life and in turn you'll be patient enough to wait for the One God has just for you.

Here's to hoping for lots of love, happiness and answered prayers in this new year!